actually, I'm a sock model
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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