Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize