i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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