I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
