Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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