my phone needs a breathalizer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
