it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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