Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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