Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
