If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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