The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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