I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
