I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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