Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize