Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
