Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
