Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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