If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
