I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
