it was like eating out sand paper
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
