Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
