I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
