I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
