capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
