never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
is wine microwaveable?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
