I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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