i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
