Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
