i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
