I'm laying in your front yard are you home
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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