no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
