Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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