He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
