I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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