o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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