just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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