I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
