did you get engaged???
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
