talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize