It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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