Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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