i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
