you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
