She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
