lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Say something about gay babies.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
