I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
