she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
