hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
