she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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