Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
