Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
