My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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