I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
