I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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