I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
