i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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