im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
