I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
