have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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