thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
