I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
