Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
