Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
