It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
