I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
