is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
