Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my shit smells like andre
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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