Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
