we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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