New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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