so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
