I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
