So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
