thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think your dad took our porno
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
