Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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