I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize