chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
